A thought has been provoking me lately, I have been wanting to talk with someone but haven’t been able to.
Is god real? Does he really exist?
Nothing miserable has happened nor have I become extremely rich that I am conveniently rising these questions. As they say, its easy to blame the almighty for everything. Its even easier to stop believing in something you have always believed when something goes wrong and you feel let down and think why do we really pray to god?
Off late, I have had this thoughts for no reason. Thoughts which are questioning my life long beliefs and my instincts. It all started when I took a flight to LA recently. The best part about flying the jets is the way it makes me feel how tiny we are in this world and yet we worry, argue and fight about such silly problems with our loved ones. When I fly, everything seems so light, all the hurdles and problems seem so tiny. If only could I freeze in that moment and glide through my thoughts and see what I am capable of, its always been difficult to catch hold of those thoughts. Whenever I do manage to get that big picture, i kind of am able to visualize in a way I am zooming out of Google maps and see the terrain, the city, the state, country and you are in that zone where you can get that big picture, a perspective with an aerial view and analyzing what we all are doing in this life.
Constantly running around with certain short destinations and targets in mind. We all are so busy in this life, we tend to forget the very reason we exist. I am sure everyone must have heard the saying “We all have a purpose in this life, find yours”. It makes sense when I think with that big picture in mind.
Then I think why do I do what I do. Why do I worship god? I worship god because I believe in the almighty. It brings me peace. It brings me peace in a way meditation would or working out in a gym would. But why do I make this a daily routine and perform it as a ritual. I realize I do that because I was taught to do, it was never in me when I was born. I was thought how when and what to worship by elders in my family specifically my parents. My parents practiced and believed in one religion and worshipped certain gods and they believed that their children should do so as well. A innocent child would not understand whats right and wrong, difference between one religion to other. Did the parents do something wrong ? I don’t think so, they taught their children what they thought was best for them. Its up to the children to decide whether or not it’s a right thing when they are capable of. That’s one of the primary responsibility of a parent to show their children some way. Whether it was right or wrong is always questionable.
Sometimes you know something doesn’t feel right, but you force yourself to stay—whether in a job that is making you miserable, or believing and having faith in god. I am pushing myself to believe in god when I am convincing myself on the other hand saying god doesn’t exist. Trying to be practical and all that. I want to break up with god but not able to. It’s been a long relationship with endless love.
Like an innocent child, I have these questions questioning me, my beliefs, my faith and my instinct and my fragile hope.
Why do we worship?
Why do we pray to god?
Why do we perform all the rituals (Going to temple, church, mosque etc)
I am not atheist, agonist or anything. I am just a dissatisfied believer.
- by Mr. R
Please do share your views !